I’ve had the Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively situation on my mind a lot lately. As mentioned previously on my Instagram reel, I’m not going to side with either of them.  But I do want to think a little about our responsibility when it comes to situations like this.  I also think we can use this specific situation and others like it to advocate for victims of harassment, sexual or other, as well as learn how to be more nuanced, moving from knee-jerk cancel culture to a more powerful and effective accountability culture.

Please note that, when I say we, I am referring to are members of the public who have an emotional attachment to either of these two people, and who have no personal relationship with them.  So people like you and me.

Process your initial reaction offline

I’m a big Jane The Virgin fan, whereas I’ve never watched anything by Blake Lively and not much with Ryan Reynolds.  I also really enjoy Justin’s Man Enough podcast and the sections of his book, also named Man Enough, that I read.  I’m going to be honest: my first reaction when I heard about the initial complaint by Blake was “He’d never do that!”

And that is a problem.

Thankfully I have a wonderful support system.  I processed my emotions and didn’t say anything to anyone outside this private, safe space until I felt ready to hold space for Blake and really listen to her.  Anytime I would even consider discounting her complaint, I’d stop and let the defensiveness pass.  I could not have done this if I had jumped into the conversation without thinking about my bias, which in turn helped me keep myself in check.

Keep your biases front and centre

I continue keeping my bias front and centre as I follow this saga.  I know that I am very eager to believe anything that proves Justin is innocent and Blake is guilty.  Every time I read something that makes me sigh with relief, I examine why: is the proof strong or is my bias showing?  Keeping this question in mind has helped me remain open to hearing Blake out and holding proof for Justin’s innocence at a high standard.

Consider The Context

Ironically enough, one of my takeaways from the Man Enough podcast is to be harder on Justin than on Blake, because the context within which these complaints are set in is one of a society that demonstrates again and again how it does not consider women and men equal.  So I decided to start with the assumption that Blake is telling the truth, and considering evidence that shows Justin’s innocence with great care.  Because just like with racism, there are understandings about the supposed inferiority of women that seep into our subconsciousness because of the way women are portrayed and talked about.

Read differing opinions

I have been trying to avoid locking myself into an echo chamber by reading opinions (not attacks though; more on that later) from people who believe Justin is guilty.  It makes me very uncomfortable and that’s a sign that I need to read these differing opinions.  The fact that I’m uncomfortable shows me that my biases are strong.  If I was neutral, I would be able to read any good faith opinion with an open and curious mind.

Don’t bully either party

I say good faith opinion because there is a lot of bullying happening on social media about this matter.  Whoever is guilty shouldn’t be bullied, and neither should their defenders. In fact, bullying keeps us all from finding out the truth. How many witnesses are staying quiet because they don’t want to deal with online bullies?  Creating a safe space helps witnesses come out and the truth becomes easier to find.

Refer to fact when discussing it offline and online

To me, bullying indicates that people are in a purely emotional state. Emotions don’t help us look objectively at facts to figure out what happened.  We need to become comfortable taking a break from conversations when we feel we are becoming emotional.  We also need to refer to fact, and source what we are referring to.  And finally, we need to be clear in our language and make sure to clearly identify when we are sharing facts versus opinions and speculation.

Hold journalists and their newspapers accountable

Unfortunately, the current media landscape makes it hard to discern what are facts from what are carefully worded opinions passing as facts.  Part of this is because we are not being willing to pay for our news, which means papers need to churn out pieces quickly and in a way that captures attention, rather than being able to take time to fact check and edit.  This results in quick turnovers and clickbait.  Something we can do is, if we can, is to support quality journalism with a subscription.  Another thing we can do is to comment on articles that are factually wrong, with, if possible, a source linked.  One last thing is to avoid outlets that have a proven record of not providing quality journalism.

Speak up against all injustice big or small

When we approach these situations with mindfulness, we acquire the capacity to talk about injustice, which we should then turn around and apply to our day-to-day lives.  We should take the time to identify injustices, but also to practice what we could have said, until we learn to speak up in a unifying, uplifting way when any form of injustice, small or big, comes across our path.

Final thoughts

I personally will continue to believe all women but also stay open to evidence that some women might be taking advantage of the moment to get away with harassing men.  I will also be very careful in these situations to make sure that my own biases don’t affect my opinion and that the sources and reporting I am referring to are trustworthy.  And I will remember that my opinion doesn’t matter as much as my efforts to keep the space in which justice can be served healthy.  I hope you will join me in these efforts, and that if you have other ideas of what to do, you will either message me or drop them in the comments below.